Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
