its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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