Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
