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Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He has the fingertips of a God
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