your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
