yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
