I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
