I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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