I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i will never coherently bang her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
