I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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