i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
