One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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