I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
