was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
