Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
