he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
