it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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