textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
