She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
