I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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