I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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