life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
