im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
