His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
