"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
