put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
