Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's even glitter on my cock...
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