tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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