i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He shit in the fireplace
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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