he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
