Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
