I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
