i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
