He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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