So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
