My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
