Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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