so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
