my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
