Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
