woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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