my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
