You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
