party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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