just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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