just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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