plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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