Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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