i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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