remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
