last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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