I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
