we have pet lesbian snakes
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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