I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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