Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
