now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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