i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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