Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
