my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
