Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
