soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
