your thong is hanging out like whoa
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
honey bunches of taint.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
