he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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