mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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