Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
