I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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