Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
