I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
