margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
