it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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