I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
