My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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