Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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