I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
