So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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